I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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