Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
