2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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