I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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