That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
