So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
