just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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