Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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