YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
