there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I enjoy the company of your penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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