Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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