Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
