Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
