i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
