I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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