Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
