i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
