super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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