you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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