dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
