He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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