just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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