he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
