remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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