She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
we're so committed to being not committed
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