I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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