2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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