so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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