I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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