can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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