You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
