I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
