If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
