i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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