so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
