my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
