You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
