What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
