Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
