I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
