I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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