I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
