i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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