And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My ass is underappreciated
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
