Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
