I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
