john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
