Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize