I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
