It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
