im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize