DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
