I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
