I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
