my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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