I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
