Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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