If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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