so that wasnt chicken after all
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I party with great urgency now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
