My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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