I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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