Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
