I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
