I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
