Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
