Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
do herpes really smell.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
