i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
