there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
